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Often while people are going through the divorce process they meet someone and begin to date. While it is understandable that you are feeling lonely, dating while attempting to cope with your divorce can be dangerous. It can cloud your judgement, and it allows your soon to be ex to complain to the Court that you are using poor judgement in bringing strangers into the children's lives. It is better to wait and begin dating when you are not so vulnerable.
After a divorce or separation it is normal to wish to begin dating again. The children should not be included in any intimate relationship until you are sure that this person is someone who will be involved in your life for awhile. Make sure that the people you introduce to your children you know well. Know their backgrounds and their present living arrangements. Your ex-spouse will be able to use information from the children about the people you bring into their lives.
Often when there is a new person in your life this creates anxiety with the ex-spouse, and sometimes with the children. All of a sudden the ex begins to threaten new Court action and the children do not like the new person in your life. This is common as ex's fear they will be replaced in the children's lives and the children feel guilty for liking the new person. The solution is to set the ground rules with everyone on the role the new person will play in everyone's life.
|Jennifer Mathes, Ph.D.|