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Accept that your marriage is over and proceed with your own life. Don't try to obtain information about your ex-spouse's private life through your children. The best thing you can do for yourself and your children is to move ahead with your life and find happiness in a new relationship.
I'm finding this to be absolutely true. I was obsessed with what my ex was doing, who she was dating, etc. I didn't ask my kids, but I "snooped" whenever I was at her place (my former residence). I finally had to let it go. I don't want to reconcile, or do I ever see a time when she and I could ever be compatable again, yet i still found myself curious. It wasn't until I let go of her that I became happy with my current status as a divorcee.
I recently got separated, about a week ago, she moved out with our two kids to her mother's house. Today, she came by to pickup our son, in doing so, she was rude, and plain right demeaning, we had agreed to keep things cool, but in reality, things are not going to get better. I myself am going to counseling, but she refuses, in all, I'm going to continue attending the counseling sessions for my kids sake. She hasn't mentioned divorce and still wears her wedding ring, is it confusing??? Yes it sure is! However, our relationship throughout the years has been a constant roller coaster ride. Today, I finally had to accept that its over and will need to initiate the divorce proceedings. If anyone has any advice, please let me know.