Welcome to Divorce Tips

Setting realistic goals

Letting go of your marriage is not easy. For years you thought of yourself as one partner in a two partner relationship. You planned on growing old together and now you have gone your separate ways. Set realistic goals for yourself. Start small: changing your routines, doing things that you have enjoyed but were blocked from doing as your mate did not agree. Use the time of healing for finding yourself. Look to the positive side of yourself not the negative side. Build your new life by building your sense of self.

Accept that it´s over

Accept that your marriage is over and proceed with your own life. Don´t try to obtain information about your ex-spouse´s private life through your children. The best thing you can do for yourself and your children is to move ahead with your life and find happiness in a new relationship.

Exclusive possession

When going through a divorce, and you are seeking to have the marital property for a period of time, be sure to ask for exclusive *possession* rather than exclusive *occupancy*. The difference is that if you have possession, and at some point want to move and rent it...you may, if you have exclusive occupancy, then you must live there in order to keep it.

Keeping your credit in the black

When divorcing, ask creditors to close any joint accounts and provide you with written confirmation. Try to reopen these as individual accounts. If your ex-spouse handles a joint account irresponsibly, your credit record may suffer.

Property

When you file for divorce the division of property will be determined by the laws of your state. If you are in an equitable distribution state, then property that is not in both names will be divided by number of years of the marriage, and what each has contributed. In a community property state it is divided 50 - 50.

Children who live with domestic violence

Children who live in homes where there is spousal abuse are in psychological and physical danger. They are likely to become abusers or abused when they are in their own intimate relationships, as children learn what they live. They are in physical danger as they often attempt to stop the two people they love and need most in their lives from hurting each other. Get yourself and your children out of this situation...fast!

What to tell the children

When the children want to know why their parents are getting divorced, do not go into detail. Tell the children that you fight too much and you have both tried, but cannot resolve the issues. Do not tell them it is because mom sees other men or dad has a girlfriend, this will only hurt the children and their sense of self. Tell the children that you each love them and that this will never change, but that mom and dad can no longer live together.

Help your children see the good

When you see your child smile and it reminds you of their other parent, say something positive. For example, tell your child "you are lucky you have dad´s beautiful blue eyes", or "mom´s winning smile". Telling your child that through them you can see endearing parts of their other parent will go a long way in making your child feel secure. It allows your child to know that they will always be loved, even when they remind you of their other parent. It also tells the child that you still remember the good qualities of their other parent.

Hiring a lawyer

When divorcing someone in the military, you need an attorney who has an expertise in this area, as the laws that apply are different from a civilian divorce.

When you are served with a motion for divorce

When you are served with a motion for divorce, you must get a lawyer. Do not think that if you do not answer these papers or cooperate that your spouse will not be able to divorce you. In fact, your spouse may be able to not only get a divorce, but everything that they ask for. Once you are served with papers, it becomes a matter between you and the Court. Do NOT call the lawyer that your spouse is using just to get him/her to understand that you do not want a divorce; this person works for your spouse and will not do anything that is in your best interest. Find a lawyer of your own and counterfile.

How to tell the children that you are getting a divorce

If it is possible, the children should be told by both parents about the divorce. They should know who will be remaining in the household with them, and how and when they will be seeing the parent who is moving. Each of the parents should reassure the children that the separation is not due to anything the children have
done, and that both parents will continue to love and provide for them. This is very important.

The death of an ex´s family member

Often when a couple divorces and there is a death in their ex´s family they are left feeling torn. Do they go and show their respect, or stay away? It is best to speak to your ex and ask how they would feel about your going. If you cannot approach your ex on this issue then do not go. Send some flowers or a card, and do not keep the children from attending.

Relocation

After the divorce, and one parent moves away from the other parent, the Court may find that the parent who moved must bear the expense of any visitation travel involved. If both parents have agreed to the move, then the Court may find that both parties must share in the cost of transportation.

Parent Education Programs

Parent education programs are helpful for divorcing parents. These programs are designed to assist parents in continuing to co-parent their children while they are living apart. It directs parents in behavior that is supportive for their children´s emotional and psychological well being.